Anxiety and Dermatillomania

This topic is not as light-hearted as my other posts have been, but I promise I'm not going to dwell on this in future posts. I just feel like it's something I should talk about here at least once because it's a huge part of my life.

For my whole life I have been struggling with an anxiety disorder. The therapist I went to last year told me it was Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), but I'm not completely sure that's exactly what it is after really researching it. I do have anxiety attacks sometimes, and I even had one before a presentation my last week of school where I was supposed to talk about my disorder (I chose my topic, we were doing PSAs about things that were important to us). It's not something I really hide from people anymore, because what's the point of hiding when you know you might need help sometimes? All of my best friends and family know about it, and my entire twelfth grade English class....

It's not just the anxiety that I deal with. For many years I have had a disorder caused by my anxiety called Dermatillomania. It's also known as Skin Picking Disorder and another new name that I don't remember. Basically I pick at my skin when I get really anxious. It's my body's way of releasing my anxiety. I'm not going to explain it in depth, but if you want to know more I'm sure you can find more about it on the internet. 

I stopped picking on June 5th of this year, which was amazing and wonderful and almost miraculous. I have had a couple moments when I've picked again, but I haven't fallen back into the pattern of doing it every night. So I'm in a really good place right now with that and it's pretty exciting. 

I also learned recently about Body Focused Repetative Behavior (BFRB) awareness, and since skin picking is a BFRB, I made my own little BFRB awareness bracelet with the colors:

Although I've been able to control my picking, controlling anxiety is a lot harder. One night when I was having a lot of anxiety, I cried like a baby, which I guess is my body's new way of releasing the anxiety without picking. I've started going on daily walks around the block every morning and really watching what I eat. Excercise is known to help with anxiety, and sugary foods can cause anxiety attacks. I've also been drinking lots of water, so that's helping make my skin look better. Water just makes you feel good too. When I was sick for 4 days recently, I drank so much water, and I guess I realized how great water is and it kind of became a habit. So I am learning more about my anxiety and how to calm it and how to prevent it. 

As for the scars from picking, I have this really awesome lotion and body wash called Renew from Melaleuca, and it really clears it up quickly and makes your skin amazingly soft. 

So that's the condensed story about my anxiety and Dermatillomania. I'll probably post something a little more upbeat and fun later today to make up for this slightly dramatic topic. 

The Power of Pinterest

Pinterest is probably one of the best things to ever happen to social media. I read somewhere recently that Twitter and Facebook are "look at ME!" sites, while Pinterest is a "look at THIS!" site. I love it because it's so organized and you don't have to search too hard to find exactly what you're looking for. "Pinterest is my Google." 

Since I started blogging, I made a board on Pinterest specifically for everything I find related to blogging. There are so many helpful things on this site for blogging beginners! 

I think the most popular thing about Pinterest is the wide variety of DIY tutorials you can find. Even just some suggestions that give creative minds a starting place for crafts and interior design and gifts and makeup and nails... I could go on forever. Here are some of my Pinterest-Inspired accomplishments:

My weekly calendar made from a frame (super cheap at Walmart!). Tessa had fun with it...

I came across a painting of a tutu, which inspired me to paint Tessa's costume from her first competition dance on a little canvas. I plan to paint each competition costume for the next two years.

The icicle lights I had around my room died, so I took them down. I hated how empty that little piece of wall above my closet looked, so I printed out a bunch of Instagram pictures and hung them up with yarn and clothes pins.

I covered a cork board and reupholstered my desk chair with some cheap fabric I found at Walmart. Both are holding up nicely!

There have been more, but some are gifts that have not been given yet... 

While Pinterest is awesome and fun and helpful and inspiring, it's also addicting! I tell myself all the time that I should be DOING the things I'm repinning instead of sitting here repinning more! And obviously I do force myself away from my iPad to make these things every now and then, but there are a lot more crafts in my DIY board that I haven't done yet! 

There are also so many helpful links for college students that I've discovered since my friends and I are headed in that direction. Ways to save money, alternative sites for buying and renting cheaper books (which I realized last night are ridiculously expensive- there is no valid reason for them to cost that much!), and multiple links to lists of what to pack for people living on campus. 

If you find any of this appealing, you should make a Pinterest account and follow me as well. Another cool thing about Pinterest is that you can follow specific boards a person makes, so if you don't care to see me repinning hand lettered stuff all the time, you can unfollow that board! And if you just want to see what I pin in my DIY board, that's all you have to follow. 

Happy Pinning! 

Wordy Wednesday: "Normal"

The other night I was laying in bed blogging in my brain. My awesome friend Mollie (artsylamentations.blogspot.com) made a "Music Monday" post this week, and it inspired me to do a weekly thing as well. Here is the first installment of Wordy Wednesdays! Wednesday is always my busiest day of the week, and it will be even busier when I start college since it's the only day I have 3 classes instead of 2, plus dinner with my friends. But there's always time for writing, right?

Quote of the week:

"Normal" is an illusion. What is normal for the spider is chaos for the fly.

I found this quote on Pinterest (of course) and decided to illustrate it a little with my fancy new markers. It was said by Morticia Addams in the Addams Family, which I've never seen, but I would certainly like to at some point. 

I love this quote, and any quote about being "normal" or "weird" because my whole life I've sort of embraced my weirdness. My best friend and I always say "Weird is short for awesome," and it's really true. What could be more awesome than being so confident that you're not afraid to be labelled as "weird"? When you don't care what random people think of you, life is so much easier and better. Besides, what even is "normal"? 

The quote says it is an illusion, which basically means normal doesn't exist. Everyone is so unique and different that we all have our own definition of normal. Well, technically the definition is always the same.

Normal: conforming to a standard; usual, typical, or expected.

There are things that are just universally normal. Like having skin and wearing clothes. But when something "weird" or "unusual" happens to you every day, you grow accustomed to it and it becomes normal for you.
For example, my dad has two motorcycles. One day I brought a friend to my house and we went in through the garage where one of the bikes was parked. My friend was pretty impressed, and it dawned on me that not everyone has a couple of motorcycles sitting in their garage. I walk past them every day. I used to have to walk around them to get to the refrigerator. To me, those motorcycles are normal, even though to most other people they're not.
During my time in high school, I was not "popular," even though my mom likes to believe I was. There's that specific category of "popular" people, you know, the girls with really long hair that either wear dresses and heels or leggings and chacos depending on the day, and have huge friend groups and go to those mythical high school parties (which I'm sure exist, but I've never seen one in real life). And there's absolutely nothing wrong with being one of those girls, I just never was one. My friends are all geeks, and I love them. Although I wasn't surrounded by "popular" people, I did manage to befriend a few of them. When you become friends with people who seem so cookie-cutter perfect and "normal," you realize that they're really not. They have that "weird" side to them, they just hide it really well in public. So even though they seem like they fit into this "normal" standard and all, they still have their own little quirks and oddities. Everyone does.
No one is perfect, no one is normal, and everyone is freaking weird and we all should learn to embrace our weirdness and just be ourselves! Life is so much easier when you're not focused on trying to be normal or to look a certain way or to say the right things or fit in with the right group of people. And if you still really want to be "normal," think about this:
Everyone is weird. That means being weird is usual, typical, and (should be) expected. Therefore, weird is normal. And awesome. And everyone wants to be awesome. So don't be afraid of what people might think or say, chances are they're too busy worrying about themselves anyway. Be your own weird self.
Take a drama class, everyone there is weird in the best way possible.

 

Basket Renovation

As I said in my little descriptions and "About Me," I like to make stuff and paint. Recently my mom gave me a basket to fix up so we could possibly sell it.

Obviously my sister and I got a hold of it as children and made it sooooo pretty. Well now it was my job to make it look prettier. There were a couple bottles of brown paint with the basket, so I used the darkest one. I started on the inside because I knew that would be difficult to get to, and I was right. I wished I had a tiny brush that would fit in the basket so I could get in the little corners. This is how it looked once I got the inside painted: 

There was also a bunch of purple paint in there which I didn't get in the "before" pictures. The paint covered it up surprisingly well. I had to add an extra coat in a couple spots, but other than that it was fairly covered. Painting the outside was a lot easier.

Wow bad photo. But this is what it looked like completely covered with the "burnt umber" paint. I've never liked that color name. What even is umber?

This is when I got to start having fun. I painted little designs on the rim of the basket with white paint. Then I used an old brush pen to outline them and make the lines smoother. The reason I used a brush pen and not a sharpie is because my experience with sharpies on paint has not been positive. Plus sharpies tend to look weird and shiny and almost tinted blue. If you ever want to use pen on top of paint, be sure the paint is completely dry! I've lost a lot of pens because of my impatience. That's why I used an old brush pen, just in case I got a little excited. I used a Faber-Castell PITT brush pen. These are very nice pens, and they are permanent like sharpies, but don't leave that weird sharpie look. I recently got a new set of these pens, so I used one from the set I've had for a couple years. And I didn't mess it up, either! Here's what my designs looked like before and after outlining:

I was very happy with how they looked after I outlined them. The before and after pictures are at the top. So much better! I almost don't want to sell it.

The whole painting process took about 4 hours or so, with one break for lunch. I don't like waiting to finish things... I hope I've inspired someone to update something sitting around in your house! You really need no artistic talent to do it, just paint, brushes, a good pen, and a steady hand. And it doesn't have to be perfect; imperfections are what make things unique!